Zoe Turns 2 (months) and Dad Gives Advice

This week Zoe turned two months old. It’s been a fun week. On Monday we had a visit from Grandpa Morton and Judy (all the way from Boston). It was a sweltering day with the temperature nearing 90 degrees. We dressed her in a pretty dress and she didn’t even throw up on it until late morning. On Tuesday Zoe had her two-month checkup. She now weighs 10 lb 12 oz; up 5 pounds from the day she left the hospital. She has also grown to 23 inches, up 4 inches. On Tuesday she also had her first round of immunization shots, which seemed to have made her a little more clingy for the last couple of days, but have also seemed to have moved her poop output into high gear. Here is a typical day for Zoe. EatPoopSleep. EatPoopSleep. Zoe has begun to open her hands more often, and appears to be grabbing for things (a big stage in her development). She doesn’t seem to have any problem ripping the hairs from my chest, and I swear she was laughing the last time she pulled away a handful. And most important, she is smiling almost on demand.

As parents of a two month old, we can now claim a vast range of expertise in the field of child rearing, and will use this knowledge to speak confidently to those about to experience “the joy” but not yet in the know. Here are just a few morsels of knowledge I can pass down.

• It is not a good idea to play airplane soon after the child has eaten. This may seem like common sense, but after the child has eaten she will be either ready to go to sleep or all smiles and daring you not to play with her.
• Never change her diaper without having a clean one ready. Put it in position as soon as possible. Infants have an instinctual ability to “take care of business” at the exact moment you have turned your head away.
• Always expect that your child will poo within minutes of having changed her diaper.
• When singing to your child it doesn’t matter if you don’t know the words, as long as it rhymes. In fact, you don’t even have to use real words if a rhyming one cannot be pulled from your sleep deprived brain fast enough. Be careful in public, as this will make you look like an idiot.
• If you absolutely, positively need to get something done that requires both hands and or bending at the waist, your child will absolutely, positively need to be held and will not tolerate being put down. Don’t even think about using the bathroom.
• Your child will always throw up on your clean shirt. You can’t avoid this so don’t even try.
• You will never have everything you need when you take the child out for the afternoon. You can create a list, but there will always be something that you forget.
  

Remember, this is your child so you can do with her as you please (within limits of the law). For example, I have considered giving animal toys the wrong name, sort of as a social experiment. You can also dress her in the most ridiculous outfits, because they don’t care. This can continue almost into their teens, as pictures of myself at thirteen will attest to. But remember, everything your infant does is a reflection upon yourself, which is why you must, must push your child to reach impossible goals.

See photos of Zoe at http://picasaweb.google.com/dbglass. Look for the new timeline feature at that site, where I will attempt to add a new photo each week so you can see her grow before your eyes.