Let Me Tell You a Story

Zoe has developed a few cute and quirky mannerisms. One of the things she is doing is recognizing that some action she is involved in should be funny, or is funny but just not funny enough to have a real laugh. But since she recognizes that some attempt at fun is being made she will try to participate in the good times by putting her hands on her head and doubling over with a fake little laugh. Trust me, it’s really cute. Another idiosyncrasy she has picked up, and I swear I had nothing to do with it (although now I imitate her), is when she responds in the positive she will not just say ‘yaa’, she will say ‘chyaa’, as in “Chyaa, that’s really gnarly.” When teenagers say chyaa they are obviously trying to be cool and quirky, so it comes off as a little, well, irritating. When a twenty two month old says it, it’s just, well, cute.

As parents we become attuned to our child’s thought process. A single word, seemingly unrelated to a situation, is enough to drive an entire conversation, albeit a conversation in which one party is responding in single-word sentences. For example, this afternoon I was reading Zoe a book of colors. We flipped to a page that had a picture of an umbrella. Oddly enough the word ‘umbrella’ is one that Zoe knows and can say (in a manner of speaking). However, instead of saying umbrella, she said moo (as in what a cow says). I remembered that a while back we took a trip to The Little Farm to feed the cows stalks of celery. It was a rainy day and I was carrying an umbrella. It’s almost as if I can see the gears of her mind working, the bits of memory piecing together to tell me a story. Because her vocabulary is so limited, she has to rely on the single most defining aspect of the story that she is able to speak. Here’s a conversation I had with Zoe recently. We were reading an A to Z book and we get to E for Elephant when Zoe interrupts me.
Zoe: Tallulah. (Tallulah is Zoe’s best friend.)
Me: You saw an elephant with Tallulah?
Zoe: Yah.
Me: Did you see an elephant at the Zoo with Tallulah?
Zoe: Yah.
Me: What else did you see at the Zoo?
Zoe: Blank stare.
Me: Did you see a giraffe?
Zoe: Yah. Tallulah.
Me: Tallulah saw a giraffe at the Zoo too?
Zoe: Yah.
Being able to quickly deduce and respond to what she is thinking is one of the pleasures of being a parent, and what probably makes everyone else kids seem like they’re babbling incoherently. I mean if I was reading a book to someone else’s child and they said moo when I showed them an umbrella, I would assume that they were a bit slow. It’s no wonder that the stay-at-home parent craves adult conversation.

Here's a blog tip: if you click on the photo you will see its full size.

Recent photos: http://picasaweb.google.com/dbglass/ZoeMichel22ndMonth#
Buy the book at http://blurb.com/bookstore/detail/193034

Pull my Finger: Getting Caught Up, Part II

Recently we had a few days when the temperature dipped into the thirties. I was forced to forgo my flip-flops for a couple of days, and almost had to slip on a pair of socks. It was cold enough that our seasonal rain became snow on the ridge above our house (way up at 1754 feet above sea level). I was of course obligated to take Zoe to play in the snow, so I put the car in four-wheel drive (not really) and drove the mile or so into the blizzard (again, not really). I don’t think I put enough layers on Zoe, and I forgot her mittens (who needs mittens in California?), and she was definitely not impressed with my snowman (although it was only two inches tall), but at least I got a cute picture of her, which is really the only reason I took her up there.

A sure sign that Zoe is becoming a real person (rather than just an eating and pooping organism) is her budding sense of humor, her ability to make believe, and her keen sense of how to test our patience. Her sense of humor is limited, but can be spot-on on occasion. For example, she has learned the exaggerated ‘noooo’ response. On a recent morning we were all lounging on the bed and Zoe started saying pee (her new, favorite word). Alison asked her if she was peeing, and Zoe responded yes. When Alison asked her if she wanted to sit on the potty, she gave us a big grin and dragged out a long ‘no’. I’ve also taught her the fine skill of fake sleeping sounds, which she practices but is not yet using to its full comedic potential. (Alison can teacher her trigonometry, I’ll teach her how to fake-snore like the Three Stooges.) And teatime has a little more depth now that she knows to add the fake milk and the fake sugar, how to stir the fake tea, how to blow on it because it is fake hot, and how to fake pour it on daddy’s head (her favorite part of teatime). She also eats the fake cake, although for some reason when she eats the fake cake she sticks three fingers deep into her mouth.

Did I mention that we now have a nanny? Now, you may ask why we need a nanny when my job description is stay-at-home dad. Could it be that our garden takes that much of my time? No, we have a weekly gardener. Could it be the house requires that much attention? No, we have a weekly cleaner. Could it be that my tennis game is suffering horribly? Yes! But mainly I’m trying to get the house ready for arrival number two. However, the kicker is the nanny we hired. Kris is a retired coworker of Alison’s. That’s right, we have the most over-qualified nanny in Berkeley, a retired surgeon. What that means is that if Zoe needs an emergency appendectomy at the playground, she is in good hands. More on my tennis game later.

Recent photos: http://picasaweb.google.com/dbglass/ZoeMichel22ndMonth#
Buy the book at http://blurb.com/bookstore/detail/193034

Getting Caught Up, Part I

It’s been a dog year since my last post, and if you remember my last entry I pounded out something at the last minute. So, what’s going on that I suddenly don’t seem to have the time to write? It can’t be her sleep schedule, which has actually improved dramatically in the last few weeks. And it can’t be the number of big projects in the works in anticipation of Number Two’s April arrival, since I have always had ongoing projects. But rather than dwell on the sad shape of this blog I will quickly move on to Part I of my Life with Zoe getting-us-caught-up blog.

This year for Hanukkah / Christmas Alison and I made an attempt to prevent our carbon footprint from expanding (although conversely we did little to bolster the sagging economy). In our efforts for a greener gift-giving holiday we did not overwhelm Zoe with gifts. She received a Sit’N Spin, which we purchased used on Craigslist. Almost immediately I rechristened it the Stand’N Fall. We also dusted off a Little People zoo and farm that we had received second-hand. It had been cornered away in the garage for over a year, and except for a couple of missing parts turned out to be in almost new condition. I expect to be tripping on little people for the next few years. She received a tea set made of 100% post consumer recycled material, and is fully recyclable at the end of its life. More on Zoe’s increasing understanding of make-believe in my next blog. She did get a few less than earth-friendly do-dads, but overall Alison and I can give ourselves big haughty pats on the back for saving the planet (or at least not adding to its destruction)

Zoe started a gymnastics class a few weeks ago. There are about ten kids Zoe’s age and one instructor. Let’s just say that Zoe will not be ready for the Olympics anytime soon. However, one exercise she did learn was a trampoline move called a seat drop, in which one lands in a seated position with the legs straight. Being the proud papa, I will brag that Zoe seems to be—and please, parents, correct me if I am wrong—the only child in the class coordinated enough to leap up and throw both of her legs out in front of her. However, she has taken this beyond the class. I have seen her perform this move at the top of the slide before catapulting herself down. She will automatically do this very time she is on the couch or on a bed. And when I am stretched out on my stomach on the floor and she is balancing on my back she will often perform this trick just to hear the whoosh of air escaping from her flattened father.

Part II of my Life with Zoe getting-us-caught-up blog will follow shortly, so check back soon.

Early Indication of Turning Two

I usually work on this blog across the span of a week, slowly and meticulously building it into the Pulitzer prize worthy blog that you have come to enjoy almost every week (unless I am away on a speaking engagement). This week we are going to do things a little differently. I am going to pound out a blog in the span of a half hour, ignoring standard conventions such as proper punctuation and spelling (unless my trusty assistant—otherwise known as spell check—catches my error). There could be two reasons I am doing this. The first could be because I want to be more spontaneous, creating a blog with an edge; what my former colleague used to call gonzo journalism. The other, and the more likely reason, is that I didn’t get to it this week, and here it is Sunday, my unofficial deadline, and I have nothing. That reason would also explain this long, pointless introduction.

This week Zoe has not been sleeping well. Actually it’s been more like two weeks. It began with an illness that brought her into our bed. It also has something to do with our bedtime routine that we have vowed to change, starting last night. Normally we bring her into our bed, give her some milk, read her a stack of books, and then let her fall asleep in our bed. Once she is asleep, anywhere from ten to thirty minutes later, I will carry her asleep into her room. Lately she will either wake up the moment she touches her mattress, climb to her feet and commence crying. Or she may wait an hour or two before waking up. Either way, our nights are filled with Zoe. Last night was the wake on contact version, so instead of letting her cry for an hour (as we did the previous night) or pulling her into our bed to get her back to sleep (two nights previous) we sat in her room and spent about an hour calming her down and getting her lay down. When we left she cried for about ten or fifteen minutes, but then slept until six-thirty. Obviously we can’t sit with her for an hour every night, but her bedtime routine will now take place in her room. Obviously I will keep you informed as to our progress (as long as you check back here frequently).

Zoe has developed another habit, which we think she learned from her friend Tallulah. She has started stating that objects are ‘Mine’. This is normal in children her age, and someone explained that is actually a good thing. This statement of possession is paired with her other favorite word, ‘No’. She is not too empathetic yet. For example, she may state that something is ‘mine’ but if we ask her if we can have it she will hand it over. And as for ‘no’, she will often use it before she has even absorbed the question. For example, if we ask her if she wants a cookie, she will first say no, then realize what we asked her and say yes. This only means that I ask her what she wants as a matter of protocol. Ultimately she gets what I give her.

Recent photos: http://picasaweb.google.com/dbglass/ZoeMichel20thMonth
Buy the book at http://blurb.com/bookstore/detail/193034

Early Acceptance Program

Recently I have been having some anxiety that I have missed an important deadline concerning Zoe’s education. Next September she will be two and a half, and maybe I have waited too long to get her into the ‘right’ preschool. As everyone knows, the ‘right’ preschool will guarantee that she is accepted into an Ivy League college. It is a child’s preschool that determines whether said child will have a bright and glorious future or a dark, lonely life filled with failure and misery. With Zoe’s future in my hands I have begun the arduous task of researching and touring and sending in waiting-list deposits (greasing palms is not out of the question). I have a long list of requirements and I have very high standards that must be met. Currently my first choice is the school that is a block away from the coffee shop with the free Wi-Fi. Actually my only criterion at the moment is that the school be near a coffee shop with free Wi-Fi. Tasty baked goods are also high on my list. I’m a firm believer in the, ‘No Croissant Left Behind’ act.

While having a conversation with a friend recently I was distracting Zoe by dangling her upside-down by one ankle over my right shoulder. My friend was visibly nervous and asked if I was worried about dropping her. Obviously I was not, otherwise I wouldn’t have been holding her like that (or maybe I’m just a risk taker?). But it got me thinking, and I realized that sometimes I play a little rough with Zoe, and it is not rare that while we are playing Zoe will get hurt in some small way. Twice I thought I had broken one or both of her legs (I had not), and she is always bumping her head (though I have yet to knock her cold). Although I am not always the direct cause of the head bumping (or other small injuries) I can often take some of the blame because I either urged her forward or did not discourage her from some risky action. Personally I don’t think of myself as a rough and tumble sort of guy, and I don’t directly put her in harms ways, but I didn’t discourage Zoe when she wanted to stand on one end of the seesaw, for example. Situations like that, I feel, help her develop her balance; and builds stamina when she falls off. Today at the park I told her to try walking up the slide part of the slide, which she did, only to stumble at the top and whack her head against a post. And I didn’t stop her when she wanted to stand up in the Eames chair, and boy weren’t we both surprised when it tipped over. I don’t want her to become a daredevil when she is older, I’m too nervous for that, but I don’t want her to be afraid to try things because there is a risk. Of course it’s easy to say that now when I can control most situations she gets into. I’ve already decided to forbid her to get a drivers license.

Recent photos: http://picasaweb.google.com/dbglass/ZoeMichel20thMonth
Buy the book at http://blurb.com/bookstore/detail/193034

It's A Boy

Well, the news is out. All you folks whispering in the corners, filling the airwaves with speculation, can now sit back and wink knowingly to one another. Yes, Alison is pregnant. Based upon a series of ominous signs, gut feelings and scientific tests we have concluded that we are having a boy who will arrive sometime in April. I’m not sure what I will call this blog at that point (as if I will have any time to write) but I am considering LifeWithZoeAndTheOtherKid.com. Stay close to your computer for frequent (or not) updates.

A Day-in-the-Life

One of the benefits of being a stay-at-home-dad is the random socializing with everyone who wants to comment on Zoe’s cuteness. It helps that Zoe is so charming. I can always count on her to give a big hello or blow a kiss to that cute girl in the coffee shop. Then all the ‘Oh, she’s so cute’ and ‘How old is she?’ and ‘Now I know where she gets her good looks and muscles from’ start. However, Zoe does not discriminate and will just as quickly charm the two hundred pound mustachioed lady wearing the purple tutu. Since Zoe’s conversational skills end at ‘hi’ and I’m too polite to turn my back on anyone, I often get drawn into long, nonlinear conversations, often involving cats and/or Jesus. I’m afraid that once Zoe starts talking, she will take to inviting these ‘creative’ people home for dinner.

Zoe has a large bag with big Lego-like building blocks. There are five different colors and ten shapes. Zoe likes to empty the entire bag on the floor and connect a series of these blocks. However, she will only stack the same color and shape block. As she builds she will say, “More,” and it is my job to find more of the pieces she is using. If I hand her a piece that is a different color or shape, she will abandon the stack she is working on and start a new stack. I will often build something alongside her that uses various shapes and colors, as an example of the possibilities, but she more often seems baffled at my creations and will quickly disassemble them. No, not OCD (commonly characterized by obsessive, distressing, intrusive thoughts) or OCPD (stress perfectionism above all else, and feeling anxious when they perceive that things are not "right"). She is simply meticulous and perfectionistic. Here are a few people throughout history who have shared this trait; Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci and Shakespeare. I bet now you’re impressed?

Zoe will eat food scavenged from our floor, food found in the crevices of her car seat, or food picked up off the ground at the playground, but she will not eat something carefully prepared and placed in front of her. I think I’m going to try hiding broccoli amongst her toys and sprinkling fruits and other vegetables around at the playground as an experiment. Maybe she only like’s foods that have ‘marinated’ for a few days, or have had all the moisture pressed out of them by the bottom of someone’s shoe? It’s the same when she is sharing snacks with her friend Tallulah. They will consume each others snacks but reject their own. Actually, Tallulah’s mom always packs better snack anyway; I just pack a few goldfish into to the back to make it look like I prepared.

Recent photos: http://picasaweb.google.com/dbglass/ZoeMichel20thMonth
Buy the book at http://blurb.com/bookstore/detail/193034

‘Mama’ is not an Answer

Zoe loves books. If you are playing with her she will just as often bring you a book to read as some toy. However, Zoe is not the gentlest when it comes to books (or anything) and her attention span is that of a nineteen month old, so we are limited to short, board books. We have a fairly large library of this type of book, but she has her favorites and we have our favorites, which means that the same books get read over and over and over (and over and over). In fact, I think between Alison and I we have read Goodnight Moon about five hundred times. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating by a hundred or so, but during a recent reading of Goodnight Moon I found myself thinking about something completely unrelated. I had memorized the book and was no longer actually reading it. The year before Zoe was born my New Year resolution was to read a book a week for the entire year (I fell short by two books, although I should get extra credit for Don DeLillo’s 800 page Underworld). I now read up to a dozen books a day, but oddly don’t seem to get the same satisfaction. I’m looking forward to Zoe being old enough for chapter books, although I do realize that bedtime story reading time will become exponentially longer, and the books might turn out to be equally tedious. Maybe I should introduce her to video games instead?

In an attempt to give Zoe some autonomy we have started to give her choices. For example, I might ask her to choose which shoes she would like to wear, or if she wants to stay upstairs with Mommy or go downstairs with Daddy. I believe asking her to make her own decisions helps her develop language and cognitive skills. However, she more often than not will just answer with a ‘yah’ to both sides of the questions. But even more irritatingly she will respond with a non sequitur, such as, “Mama.”
• Dad: “Zoe, do you want Some Cheerios in your snack cup?”
• Zoe: “Mama.”
• Dad: “Zoe, do you want any Cheerios?”
• Zoe: “Mama.”
• Dad: “Okay, should we go outside and blow some bubbles?”
• Zoe: “Mama.”
If you’ve ever watched the Simpson’s you may recall the image of Homer throttling Bart. Not that I would ever hurt one hair on Zoe’s angelic head, but by the end of the day I have heard ‘Mama’ in response to enough questions that I envy Homer’s repercussionless ability to vent.

Last year Alison, Zoe and I participated in the Kaiser Permanente (Alison’s employer) sponsored, Strides Against Breast Cancer walk. When the flyer came out for this years walk we were surprised to see Zoe prominently featured. This was the flyer that was distributed to all Northern California Kaisers. Click here to see this portend of Zoe’s future as a star of stage and screen.

Recent photos: http://picasaweb.google.com/dbglass/ZoeMichel19thMonth
Buy the book at http://blurb.com/bookstore/detail/193034

A Walk in the Park

Our house sits on the border of John Hinkel Park, a 4.9-acre hilly and wooded area that was donated to the city in 1918. There are a number of crumbling trails winding through the hills, an aging outdoor amphitheatre built into the hillside, a deteriorating redwood clubhouse, and a somewhat forlorn playground consisting of a few swings, an ancient metal slide and an old-fashioned style seesaw. We’ve lived in our home for four years and have only walked through the park a handful of times. But recently I have started spending more time there, mostly on weekends while Alison is napping. On hot days it’s pleasantly shaded. This morning there was a chill in the air that I equate with East Coast fall days, so the park today seemed even more tranquil than usual, and perhaps a bit nostalgic. And although Zoe is not quite old enough to really enjoy the winding, crisscrossing paths, she still enjoys climbing on the benches dotting the paths and she particularly likes the old, metal slide. Except for the weekend theatre company that arrives each summer, the park doesn’t get a lot of use and it is not rare that we will wander through and don’t run into anyone. Alison and I sometimes talk about moving back to the East Coast, or even moving closer to the hospital where she works, but I think living near this park makes our current home unique, and should we stay I hope it is someplace that Zoe will eventually enjoy as much as I do.

Zoe's favorite song these days is the toilet paper song. You see, in a hopeful and ultimately premeditated spurt of optimism (and misread signs) we purchased a child’s potty. We chose a model that voices encouragement through song and positive reinforcement for performing various potty tasks. On one side of the ‘tank’ there is a spindle that is supposed to resemble a roll of bath tissue. Spin it and the toilet will say various things, one of which is the toilet paper song. It goes something like this. “Toilet-paper, toilet-paper, on a roll, next to me, I can take a few squares, maybe one or two squares, how about three? Hurray for me!” Zoe will give the roll a spin than do a little jig along with the music. Fortunately she seems to have abandoned the real toilet paper or this singing one. Unfortunately, the few times I have attempted to sit her on this potty she has locked all her joints into a rigid board and yelled, “No!” In an unrelated piece of developmental news she can now use a spoon to get liquid from a soup bowl to her mouth most of the time (although the space between the bowl and her mouth also gets its share).

Recent photos: http://picasaweb.google.com/dbglass/ZoeMichel19thMonth
Buy the book at http://blurb.com/bookstore/detail/193034

Cute Things She Does

Zoe speaks almost non-stop now. If you ask her a question she will either give a long response or answer, Yah.” This morning I asked her what she was playing with. This was her answer. “Esht ma beya yash la ma eshya et ah,” or something to that affect. She is also a pro with ‘Bye’. If she sees a plane flying overhead or a bus drive by she will yell Bye a few times and wave. When mom leaves in the morning she will yell ‘Bye’. If we are in the kitchen and she walks into the living room she will yell ‘Bye’. The Yah is less accurate. If I ask her if she wants some juice she will answer ‘Yah’. But if I ask her if she would like to be devoured by tigers she will also answer ‘Yah’. This works in my favor as I may ask her if she wants to play quietly in the corner while I watch the baseball game, and she will most often answer ‘Yah’. Of course asking and receiving are two different animals.

Zoe has unique 'forbidden' radar, a sixth sense, if you will. It works by quickly identifying things that she should not get in to or do. Here are some examples. She will be playing quietly by herself and I'll open a cabinet with a child lock. Suddenly she is there next to me trying to push me aside so she can get into it. Or I'll put something that needs to go downstairs on the other side if the gate, on the top step. A moment later she is on her stomach reaching through, trying to grab it. Likewise when I empty dishwasher. If I open the door she will suddenly appear in the kitchen. I am then forced to grab one item at a time, close the dishwasher door, and put that item away. Then repeat the process until the it’s empty. If there is one square foot of mud in a football field she will find it. If there is a pen near the edge of a table, she will grab it. If I put my glasses down on the coffee table she will instantly know it, even if she is asleep. I, on the other hand, will spend an hour trying to remember where I put my glasses.

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that Zoe threw up on the plane ride back from Boston. Well, Alison has a theory that has been tested twice. On the last two occasions Zoe was given a new book she has thrown up shortly after being read this book for the first time. This morning, on the way out for coffee, we stopped at a bookshop and I bought her a new book. If she throws up tonight I will ban all new children’s books from the house.

Recent photos: http://picasaweb.google.com/dbglass/ZoeMichel19thMonth
Buy the book at http://blurb.com/bookstore/detail/193034